The worst thing that I've ever known at karaté has happened yesterday night. I'd taken punches, kicks, I'd been hurt, I'd hurt other boys too, those who were bigger than me, stronger than me. But I've never felt worse than this time. I've hurt badly a girl who is much weaker than me. A kick right in her eye. My toe nail has scratched her nose and eye and made her bleed quite a lot. Her eye cornea was touched too. She'd need one week to rest. I was so afraid that it could have been worse. I've never felt more humiliated .
Yes, I'm agressive and competitive. I know that. It was how I was educated. Though it was not me who chose how I was educated, it was my choice to stay competitive later on. But to be arrogant enough to beat up someone weaker than me, it is not forgivable. Usually I was quite tender with white belt people, especially with girls. This girl had a black belt, though I know she's not at the same level as me, I still thought of going a little bit harder on her, and forgot that I'm not good enough to control my techniques.
How much I miss the time when I was zero. I didn't have to pay even a little attention on controling my techniques at all, I could never hurt anyone anyway.
I don't know whether I should envy or admire boys. They are supposed to be stronger than girls by default. They don't make mistake when fighting with weaker girls. Most of them master the self control when confronting a girl since forever, since they were born. But I don't have their instinct.
I never feel more difficult to come back to karaté club and look at everyone.
1 comment:
Yes you are a fiery one Tien!
That's an interesting point that boys learn from an early age to take it easy on girls.
I bet if you honestly told the girl and your teachers that you are very sorry and will do your best to control in the future that they will forgive you. Plus black to black she knew the risks. Feeling bad doesn't help anyone.
I wonder how healthy getting all aggressive is for one however?
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